Facing our Fear Gremlins
(Photo credit: Donovan Reeves on Unsplash)
Fear. It’s something that we have all experienced. Like a champion wrestler, fear can put us in a head lock, squeezing the zest out of us. A master thief that steals the passion and adventure from our lives. Fear keeps us feeling stuck and confused. Or in denial and avoidance. It can rob our joy and block our freedom. Fear warns us against taking risks and following our heart because we might fail or look like a fool. Fear can hold us down when our heart is encouraging us to spread our wings and fly.
Throughout my life, a mega mountain of fears has tormented me. Fear of being judged. Fear of being ridiculed. Fear of failing. Fear of not living to my potential. Fear of the unknown. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of being excluded. Fear of not being good enough. And the list goes on.
Like crazy-eyed little gremlins revealing their sharp fangs, my fears would pop up and surround me. Terrified, I wanted to run and hide so that these ravenous creatures couldn’t devour me alive. Fear would paralyze me, preventing me from moving forward.
Over the past years, I have learned that there is a better way than running, hiding or freezing. Instead, I have learned to trust that life is happening for me. I have learned to welcome situations and relationships that trigger me to feel fear and other uncomfortable emotions because I recognize that this is Spirit offering me opportunities to heal. I know that the only path to a life filled with inner peace, deep joy and true freedom is to expose and release self-defeating fears, buried emotions and self-deflating beliefs.
Allow me to share a personal story. A few years ago, I wrote a chapter for a book that would become an international bestseller. The writing process for me was fun and inspiring. It felt amazing to be in the flow of the creative process. But shortly after I submitted my final draft, my ego jumped in and began pointing out ways that I could have improved my written piece. But it was too late. All editing had been completed and my work was officially out of my hands. But rather than bless and release my finished product, I watched myself spinning in fear and drowning in feelings of self-doubt and insecurity.
(Niklas Hamann on Unsplash)
Knowing that we are usually not upset for the reasons that we think, I stopped my ego in its tracks. And sat down to meditate and look at my feelings underneath all of this.
With eyes closed, I asked Spirit to show me the buried emotions and fear that this writing project was drawing to the surface. Suddenly I saw an image of myself sitting in a conference room with 20-something individuals. I recognized the scene. I was 25 years old and working for an international organization in a foreign country. On this particular day that I was witnessing, the program director had flown into town from the head office in the country’s capital to hold a meeting to review our team’s work. He was a bully who thrived on instilling fear and insecurity. Without holding back, the program director expressed his disappointment and disgust with most of the employees’ efforts. Finally, it was my turn on the chopping block. With contempt, he tore into my work, labelling it total crap that appeared more like a rough draft than a finished report. I was beyond mortified. Completely humiliated. Deeply ashamed. Feeling totally useless and insignificant, I longed to run and hide. Heartbroken and devastated, my entire being resonated with the crippling message of not being good enough.
Eighteen years later, here I am, sitting in meditation and allowing this deep shame and burning humiliation to move up and out of me. Yes, it was uncomfortable for me to feel the shame and embarrassment again. But I knew I needed to feel this pain in order to release the fear and belief of not being good enough.
Looking back, I don’t think I ever told my friends and family about this humiliating event. I tried to bury this memory, hoping the pain and shame would disappear on their own. Unfortunately, ignoring your feelings doesn’t make them go away. Instead, pushing them down and avoiding them influences our perception and how we react to life.
After this healing meditation, I tuned back in to see how I felt about my recent writing project. I felt neutral. Gone was the storm cloud of fear. Gone was the panicked feeling that was shouting at me to run and hide. Gone was the burning sensation of shame and humiliation. I was now willing and able to release my writing project with love.
Situations and relationships that trigger us are often golden opportunities for our healing and growth. Give yourself the gift of silence so that you may shine light on the darkness within you. Allow yourself to feel that which is stored in your heart and body. Like a child letting go of a colourful balloon, allow these feelings to be released, drifting up and away. This is the path to inner peace.
To learn more about Rachel, Intuitive Healer and Clairvoyant, please click here.