How to Heal Feelings of Unworthiness
“You’re useless. You’re pathetic. You never get anything right. You’re a failure. You’re stupid. Nobody likes you.” Feelings of unworthiness are vicious monsters that lurk in the dark, waiting to pounce on us during our weakest moments.
(Photo by Joshua Rawson Harris)
The self-admonishing, cruel tyrant in our minds can be so harsh and so incessant that it can knock us off our feet. It can make us cower and retreat; shrivel up and hide. For most of my life, insecurity, self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness have been my dreaded companions.
Living with the self-berating ego is like having a free-loading, trash-talking roommate who constantly degrades us and patronizes us. With a horrific roommate, it wouldn’t take us long before we boot his sorry butt to the curb. However, with the emotionally-abusive ego, we’re often unaware that we have the power to reject the belittling voice and stop the inner torment.
Recently, in an intuitive healing session, I witnessed an intense example of self-condemnation. My client’s ego — wild-eyed and tyrannical — dragged her by the hair, lashed her with a whip and hurled insults at her. Extremely aggressive and very, very angry, this beautiful woman’s ego peppered her with nonstop negative criticism: “You’re weak. You have no backbone. You’ll never get what you want in life. You’re pathetic.” This lovely woman in her mid 40s was exhausted and depleted from the relentless emotional abuse.
The Seeds of Unworthiness
The seeds of unworthiness were often planted when we were small children. The little girl who felt unseen or insignificant. The small child who was emotionally attacked or physically abused. The little boy who felt abandoned by a parent. The child who witnessed violence in the home. Even situations that seem minor, such as a parent scolding or finding fault in a child’s behaviour can translate into feelings of unworthiness and self-contempt.
(Photo by Kat J.)
Facing the Root of our Pain
Healing our feelings of unworthiness requires that we travel inward and face the root of our pain. Here, at the root, we often find the unprocessed sadness and buried pain of the inner child.
Feeling helpless, frightened and confused, as children we quickly learned how to protect ourselves from the intense emotions and the ego behaviours of the adults in our home. It’s this fear-based self-protection and our stored pain from our childhood that fuel the ego. When we face the root of our pain, we help release the buried emotions we’ve been carrying with us for decades.
When we avoid our own healing, we continue to feel and react from the place of the wounded inner child. Left unhealed, the harsh inner voice continues to relentlessly attack and berate us throughout our lives. (Or we turn the abuse outwards, attacking and judging others).
In order to heal our feelings of unworthiness, we must embrace the inner child and help her to feel safe, loved and seen. When we accept and love the child within us, feelings of unworthiness begin to wash away, and we shine brightly in the way we were born to.
(Photo by Carla Hedges)
Reclaim your Power
Let me ask you — which voice are you listening to?
Are you listening to the self-chastising ego that tells you that you’re worthless or the loving voice that reminds you that you’re awesome? Are you listening to the nasty witch who sabotages you with stories of being a failure or the nurturing reminder that you’re a unique and beautiful soul? The choice is always yours.
The truth is — you are not your negative beliefs. You are not your fears. You are not your emotions. You are not your past experiences. In your essence, you are perfect. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are brave. You are all-knowing.
You are a true wonder — a warrior goddess of light, love, creativity, abundance and beauty. An absolute badass.
(Photo by Becca Tapert)
The nasty inner critic, the ego, is completely powerless…unless you condone it and give it power. It’s up to us to call out the vicious inner bully: “Enough is enough. Ego, you’re fired. I’m taking my power back.”
It’s time for us to relish in the awesomeness that we are, and share our light and our gifts with the world.
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